Counselor's Corner at Calvert School: Boundaries with Eighth Age Students

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Boundaries with Eighth Age Students

Learning about boundaries is important; in Eighth Age we started with personal space boundaries in the fall, and we have moved on to role boundaries, physical boundaries, and behavioral boundaries. We even talked about time as a boundary. Learning to crawl was part of the past and learning to drive is part of the future. There are reasons why elementary age students don't drive! We talked about hands as boundaries- they can help or they can hurt. They are a way to keep someone at a distance if one feels unsafe or threatened. If someone feels uncomfortable by words or conversations, he or she can say "Stop" and extend the distance between the person and the uncomfortable conversation. Hands are meant for working, playing, and helping. When we use hands to hurt others, it is a boundary violation.

Boundaries can be difficult to define because they are physical, emotional, psychological, and behavioral and many seem abstract; starting with an image of a fence is a great first step. Understanding boundaries is a process that develops over years. Parents can assist by maintaining family boundaries which include understanding parental roles as compared to children's roles within the family unit. If role boundaries are solid, children will feel safe, protected, and comfortable. If boundaries are unclear, kids tend to feel vulnerable, unsafe, and stressed. In addition, rules serve as boundaries, and create security for kids. As child psychologist, Ron Taffel, says "Consequences are a child's safety net." Without them, home life can be chaotic and confusing. All in all, boundaries are crucial to healthy child development.