Decision-Making and Boundaries with the Tenth Age

It's Decision Time!

Tenth Age classes had Character lessons about decision-making and boundaries.  The decision-making lesson focused on the fact that many decisions are simple (having milk for lunch), but others are difficult (studying for a quiz or playing with a new computer game).  The difficult ones were the ones we focused on, and we talked about specific steps to take to make a decision.
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Here is an example:
You have been invited to a birthday party and accepted the invitation.  A few hours later, you get asked to a Ravens game.  You have never been to one of their games and are a huge fan of the team.   What are you going to do? Think about your options and the consequences.  Ask yourself, "How will this decision affect me and how will it affect others?"

The decision-making model we used is:

1. Look at the decision to be made
2. Consider all the options or choices
3. Think of the consequences
4. Consider how the decision will affect others
5. Pick the best solution from all the options 
6. Evaluate your decision. 

I emphasized that it is important to make decisions that are in keeping with the four Calvert Pillars, and in line with being a positive student, friend, and family member. In addition, I asked them to think of several adults they could talk with about a tough decision.  Participation was excellent, and we will do a follow-up lesson in January!

The boundaries lesson focused on the importance of both physical boundaries as well as verbal, social, behavioral, and emotional boundaries.  I used tape to "draw the line" down the middle of 10-A and 10-B to show how boundaries can be permanent or temporary depending on the situation.  Good boundaries help us to stay safe and define ourselves; they also help us  respect others and their needs and rights.  Studies show that children who have difficulties recognizing and respecting others' boundaries may:

• Not accept "No" for an answer
• Encroach on others' physical or emotional space
• Exhibit out of control emotions or behaviors
• Have difficulty maintaining friendships
• Have difficulty accepting limits set by parents and teachers
• Lack awareness of socially acceptable interpersonal behavior
• Insist that others agree with them

When both schools and homes are consistent with boundaries for their children, they will see healthy interactions, strong self-esteem, steady self-regulation, and respect for rules and appropriate behavior.

"Drawing the Line" with 10-A

  

Seventh Age Students Practice the Art of an Apology

Whispering can create a Conflict

 

They Apologize

Hadley and Katie Practice Writing an Apology Note

Learning to apologize in a thoughtful and effective way takes practice, and Seventh Age girls had a good time trying to perfect it!  With the help of Kelso's Choice curriculum, we talked about the art of an apology.  Sometimes it makes sense to wait a day to apologize so that there is a chance to "cool off" after the conflict.  Other times, one needs to apologize right after the incident. 

An apology is in two parts.
1. SAY something: Tell them what you are sorry for.
2. DO something: Take action or stop an action to fix the problem (promise not to spread rumors, clean up the spill). 

An apology can be spoken or written and we practiced both.  Tone of voice is extremely important in a sincere verbal apology as are the use of "I-Messages."

Girls Share their "I'm Sorry" Notes

 

Each girl was given an "I'm Sorry" note card and wrote to "a friend." They had a chance to read their cards aloud, and this exercise gave them lots of ideas for creative apology writing!  I hope they will continue to practice this skill during the year as it is a valued one.



Tackling Worry

Aiden Shares his Strategies for Tackling Worries!

Having worries is a common experience for elementary school children.  A little is normal, but too much can be debilitating.  I worked with 8-1, and we read the books David and the Worry Beast and Don't Feed the Worry Bug.  Both of these books are fun to read because they involve bugs and beasts that blow up like balloons when the children worry excessively!  They make a serious topic very accessible to students.   As they listen to the books they gain a quick grasp on how worry can take over, and how important it is to try to keep worries in perspective and talk about them to adults. They learn they are not alone and that everyone worries at times.  Common worries for 8-1 were tests, quizzes, athletic games, and the health of their families.   We talked about using music, deep breathing, and even talking back to the worries.  Each boy drew a picture of what their "worry bug" looks like and then told the class how they talk to it so that it "deflates."  Good ideas were shared by all!


Here are some tips for parents:

1. Acknowledge your child's fear or worry, no matter how small, and help him/her keep it in perspective.
2. Verbalize confidence in your child and offer support but don't support his avoidant behavior.  Avoiding the cause of anxiety only magnifies it for the child.
3. Make sure your child's anxiety is not the direct result of an adult placing too much pressure on him/her to achieve beyond realistic levels.
4. Acknowledge your child's efforts to combat the worry and to take risks to overcome it.
5. Seek professional advice if the anxiety persists over time and interferes with day-to-day living.

 

8-1 Shares their Worry Bugs  and Beasts!

 

 

A Week in Pictures

Last week was a busy one for character classes!  Seventh Age learned about empathy by reading Stand in my Shoes, Sixth Age focused on healthy eating with the book, You Are What You Eat and Other Mealtime Hazards, 7-1 talked about personal space requirements with Personal Space Camp, and 8-2 measured the personal space they need to feel comfortable with friends (a few inches) and strangers (several feet).  Finally, 8-A and 8-B discussed the value of each individual no matter what their ability, ethnicity, race, age, or socio-economic status by watching a clip of the documentary "Babies" and talking about similarities and differences with guest teacher, Monica Stewart.


Tavi Tells the Class How She has Shown Empathy at School

Catherine and Elise Draw and Write about Standing in Someone Else's Shoes

Penelope and Anna Notice How Others Feel

Ms. Stewart was our Guest Teacher in Eighth Age!

8-A Compares Similarities and Differences of the Babies!

Justin Measures the Space Needed for Leon and Zach

Some Need More Space

Others Need Less Space!

 

Manners Matter with Sixth Age

Sixth Age boys and girls learned how manners help with friendships, social awareness skills, and self-confidence.  After reading a few fun books with them, I showed them my board decorated like a dining room table.  The table had "guests" around it (drawings of boys, girls, and adults), and as a class we decided who should stay and who should be excused!  For example, the boy picking at his teeth needed to do that in the bathroom so he was excused.  The girl holding a bowl of soup and licking  it with her tongue was taken off, as was the boy with his feet on the table.  The children seemed to enjoy this activity, and understood from the drawings who was "in" and who was "out."  Manners do matter, but if one spent a lot of time watching T.V. and movies, one might think they didn't matter any more.  Children who are polite are respected by both peers and adults; people want to be around them.  Manners matter because they directly relate to respect, compassion, responsibility, and honor--our four Calvert Pillars. 

Myrna helps us decide who should stay and who should go!

Eighth Age Students Build Conversations

Conversation Builders by the Eighth Age Students

8-2 Practicing Conversation Flow!

All sections of Eighth Age have been building conversations in Character Classes!  The ability to build and maintain conversation is an important tool for friendships and social skills.  Talking about and practicing words and expressions that facilitate conversations is a skill that can be fine-tuned by all.  We started the lesson by discussing what words build a conversation as opposed to what "busts" one.  If a student monopolizes, talks only about herself, or talks over others, that student may be challenged to maintain friendships and develop deep peer connections.  On the other hand, a student who gives everyone a chance to talk, picks a topic that all are interested in, and has good eye contact, will be more inclined to have a multitude friendships. 

After we brainstormed conversation builders and verbal "invitations" such as, "Good morning.  How are you?" and "Let's do it together," each student wrote down his or her own conversation builder --they are now displayed on a bulletin board outside the auditorium.

Here are some examples from the students:

• "Is there anything I can do for you?"
• "I love your project"
• "What is wrong?  Are you OK?"
• "Will you be my friend?"
• "Sure, you can play!"
• "That was awesome."
• "Would you like to come bowling with me?"
• "I missed you"

Students noticed how the reciprocal exchange and positive flow of conversations help develop friendships because they are showing interest in each other, and an understanding of what they have in common, as well as what makes them unique.  An appreciation, certainly, develops!

 

Leon P. Listens to a Conversation Builder

Boys Enjoying Listening to Each Other!

 

Laura

 

8-A Girls!



Lindy talks about her Conversation Builder

Taylor

Scared and Brave for Halloween Week

6-C on their way to the Parade!

Halloween week seemed like a good one to address the topic of being scared and worried.  Children of all ages get scared to some degree; what is important is that they know how to express and talk about the feelings that result.  With 6-C,  I read the book, Sometimes I'm Scared, and used "Onionhead" feeling cards to talk about such feelings as sad, lonely, and nervous and then their opposites: happy, outgoing, and safe.  The book addresses common childhood fears such as being scared of the dark, a thunderstorm, or a spider.  Kids hear that they are not alone in their fears and that there are concrete ways to feel better.  It also addresses one's imagination and how that can "take over" and cause stress by imagining things are worse than they really are.  We went through seven steps to take to feel better:

1. Understand your feelings
2. Practice mindful breathing
3. Picture happy things in your mind (replacing the scary ones)
4. Pretend to be what scares you (a dog, big gusts of wind)
5. Think positive or encouraging thoughts to gain control of the fear
6. Take small steps (get used to something that scares you a little bit at a time)
7. Talk to your parents because "they know a lot about understanding feelings and how imaginations work."

A common fear expressed by the class was being afraid of the dark, and their solutions were to use a nightlight or a bathroom light to feel "peaceful and relaxed."

6-C Girls Feeling Brave on Halloween!

Teasing - When is it OK?

Zach and Duncan in a role-play!

Last week, Eighth Age character lessons were focused on teasing.  We started by defining teasing, and then defining bullying to make sure they knew the difference.  Teasing can be OK if it is a balanced interaction between friends and done with no ill intent.  Bullying, of course, is never OK.  The majority of unkind acts at schools are teasing, and happen as a result of not understanding that if the teasing isn't balanced then one person is feeling hurt.  What can begin as playful and fun, can deteriorate into an imbalance of power and hurt feelings.

We read the book, Just Kidding, by Trudy Ludwig.  This story is about a boy, D.J., who tries to stand up to Vince who uses mean words and actions to put down D.J.  As Trudy Ludwig says in her notes about teasing, "You're never "just kidding" when your words or actions toward others are embarrassing, hurtful or mean spirited."

We talked about the importance of letting your friend know when the teasing becomes hurtful.  And, the importance of classmates standing up for others when they hear and notice teasing that has become mean spirited. 

Here are the Teasing Dos and Don'ts I shared with the classes:

Do:

• Be careful of others' feelings
• Use humor carefully
• Accept teasing from others if you tease
• Know the difference between friendly, gentle teasing and hurtful ridicule
• Try to read others' body language to see if their feelings are hurt- even when they don't tell you
• Get help from an adult if the unfriendly teasing doesn't stop

Don't:

• Tease someone you don't know well.
• Tease about a person's body
• Tease about a person's family
• Tease about a topic when someone asked you not to
• Be passive about your feelings; tell someone in a direct and assertive way what is bothering you

Role Play: 8-2 Boys stepping in to talk out the issue of teasing

 

Children's Books Teach Character

Mackenzie and Sydney at Work!

I love the collection of children's books I have at Calvert!  I am able to use so many of them for character classes while others I use for individual or small group counseling.  Last week and this week, I read Odd Velvet and Jamaica and Brianna to 7-A and 7-B.   These books deliver important messages through stories.  Odd Velvet is about a girl, Velvet, who is thought of as "odd" by her classmates because she has unusual hobbies, wears hand-me-down clothes, and has a "pack of only eight crayons."  The story starts on the first day of school and ends on the last.  Within this year, the kids grew to value Velvet's "oddness" to the point where they began to want to be like her.  The story leads to a discussion of compassion, uniqueness, and overcoming differences that initially got in the way of understanding.

Jamaica and Brianna focuses on the theme of friendship: specifically, friendship with its ups and downs of hurt feelings and misunderstandings.  I use it as a springboard to talk about friendships, in general, and how each one takes work.  We considered the question, "What is a friend?" and brainstormed answers such as," A friend listens", "A friends apologizes", and "A friend talks over misunderstandings."   The work is certainly worth the effort, and Jamaica and Brianna delivers that message in a thoughtful and engrossing way. As psychologist Michael Thompson says about friendship, "Every child has a profound need for close connection.  This search for the intimate, reliable connection is the basis of friendship.  The need for affiliation is the basis of cooperation, collaboration, and generosity of spirit among children."

Katie and Elizabeth Considering Odd Velvet's Differences and Similarities

 

 

Morgan Thinking about Friendships

 

What Would You Do? 8-B



This is What I Would Do!

Yesterday, students in 8-B got to apply their knowledge of Kelso's Choices to "small" and "big" problems experienced at schools.  During the first part of the lesson, I gave each girl a blank wheel and then asked them to fill it in with the nine Kelso's Choices.  Most knew all nine, but it was a good chance to review each choice.  Once their wheels were completed, I read scenarios and girls volunteered to go up to the board to pick which of Kelso's Choices they would use to solve the problem.  For example:

1.  "What you you do if someone was tripping you while you were walking to recess." (Tell them to stop, Talk it out)
2. "Your friend was being really annoying.  Instead of talking it out, you talked behind her back and she found out.  What would you do (Apologize)
3. "If someone was teasing you so much that you did not want to go to school, what would you do?" (Tell an adult you trust)

They did a great job with this and offered detailed explanations about how they would implement their choices!



Margaret Working on her Wheel

 

Kelso's Choice Conflict Management Program

My Character lessons have moved from Compassion to Conflict!  Since conflicts happen throughout one's school years and beyond, when one know how to solve conflicts in a respectful way, school becomes a more compassionate place.  Last year, we introduced the Kelso's and KC's Choice conflict resolution curriculum. This year, the homeroom teachers and I are reviewing it with classes and introducing it for the first time to the Fifth Age and many of the Sixth Agers.  The program requires kids to communicate verbally and non-verbally in an effort to understand and then produce positive win/win results. 

Kelso's Choice gives kids nine ways to solve small problems such as pushing in line or not sharing a toy.  Students are encouraged to try two of the choices before seeking help from a trusted adult at school.  If however, the problem is big such as being pushed down by someone at recess, students are told to go directly to an adult for help (and this is not tattling).  Delivering the lessons are fun because the curriculum uses card games, DVD's, puppets, role plays, and art projects .

 

 

The lessons will be taught and highlighted throughout the year.  The Kelso's Choice wheel is displayed in each homeroom and many other locations around school.  It is a strong visual reference and reminder to students!  I love it when I hear kids say, "How would Kelso solve this problem!"  Please encourage your sons and daughters to use it at home with siblings and friends. 

 

 



 

Character Lessons Focus on Compassion

Did you know that Compassion is Contagious?

Let's Spread it around Calvert and the Community

I have been talking to students in all classes about Compassion.  We have discussed what it means to them, and how contagious it is!  Here are some examples of what they have said:

Tenth Age:

I help people if they are hurt

I give a little kid a big hug at lunch if she looks sad

I help friends when they are worried

I stand up for others

I try to be a leader, but not a bossy one

When I am nice to others, they are nice to me

All Tenth Age classes decorated their bulletin board with Compassion statements:

 

8-A gave "gifts of compassion" by filling out gift cards.  Here are a few of their "gifts:"

Play with someone you don't know

Be caring and nice when people are sad

Be nice to your brother or sister

And,  7-A decorated stars that are spreading Compassion around the community!

 

Upcoming school events offer concrete ways for children to put compassion into action.  Our Fresh Food Drive is the week of October 14-18, our Family Day of Service is Saturday, October 19, and Race for the Cure is Sunday, October 20.