My Secret Bully: Helping Sarah become an Ally instead of a Bystander



"I noticed Katie whispering to a group of girls and looking at me."

Last week, Eighth Age students got to consider the three main characters- Monica, Sarah, and Katie- in My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig, and decide how they could help the "bystander" Sarah become an ally or an "upstander."  It is difficult for most children when they are around a bullying situation to stand up to the bully and become an ally to the target.  This book is an excellent resource for stimulating discussion with elementary school children and empowering them to feel more confident if they get in a similar situation. 

Monica is emotionally bullied by Katie and has to learn how to assert herself and stay strong.  She does this by opening up and talking to her mother, role-playing assertive responses, and not responding to the bullying by becoming a bully herself.  She gets no help from Sarah as Sarah is friends with both girls and doesn't know how to speak up for Monica.  So, in classes we talked about what Sarah could have done to support Monica and deflate Katie's power.

Here are some terrific 8th Age suggestions:

I would tell Katie to " please back off."
I would remind Katie about the Golden Rule
"I don't like it when you play with me but not with Monica."
I would ask Monica to play with us
"Katie, please go to Monica and say sorry."
I would ask Monica what's wrong
"Do you need help with Katie?"
"Monica, can you come over to my house today?"
"It looks like something is bothering you.  I will help you."
"Don't be embarrassed.  I was bullied once."
"Monica, I think it's time to tell a teacher."
"Come on- let's go walk away."
"How about we take turns talking about our feelings."